He was playing pool and drinking beer Nothin' more'n The occasional tear But this man's life goes on And he gets greased all over From time to time At the strip joint, Where we met He said 'Hi, my name is Ted See that one over there That ball of thunder Every time she goes Vavoom, I wiggle in my chair Can I buy you a beer? What a guy 'I've had a few myself' he said 'But I never quit when I'm ahead Too many rules and regulations Stupid laws designed by fools behind closed doors And another thing I won't discuss is religion It always causes a fight Vavoom There she goes again 'How does she do that' said Ted And he told me Of those unjustices (that) He had suffered in his life His wife and kids And boss and dogs And neighbours Raising cain and causing strife They were forever whining Bleating howling yapping Screeching moaning crying Vavoom He fed them well He keep them warm Ted Ted the mechanic Thing about Ted He didn't really care Nothing much got in his hair And the beauty of it was That he was right He was big as a truck And fast as a door (What's that?) He was always right The banjo player took a hike What's that song I used to like Vavoom He was big as a truck He was fast as a door - Ted What a guy? Ted the man our Ted Ted the man our Ted Ted the man our Ted